SAD

It's raining again.

There are so many things to like about rain.  It keeps the plants green.  It has a soothing sound.  It cools the air.  It's refreshing.  It tends to keep people from making lots of noise.  There's something peaceful and almost magical about rain.

But I just can't bring myself to like rainy days.

I discovered last year that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Essentially that means that when I don't get enough sunlight I wilt and start feeling the symptoms of depression.  The long winter months can get miserable, particularly when there's a string of cloudy days.  Usually spring is better, but on days like today when there is no hint of sunshine I start to feel the weight of all those clouds.

It's hard to explain to people who have never dealt with depression just how miserable it is.  There's no “snapping out of it.”  It's a long cycle of incapacitation due to total lack of energy fueling (and being fueled by) intense guilt for not being productive.  All in all not fun.

But fortunately for me there are ways to deal with my particular underlying issue.  What I'm missing when I don't get sunlight is Vitamin D, so taking supplements really helps to reduce the symptoms I feel.  On sunny days I take every chance I can get to be in the sunlight.

However, there are still days like today when I just can't find much motivation.  The sky is the dull white-gray color of emptiness.  All I want to do is sit in front of Hulu and crochet (because then I can be entertained and still feel like I'm doing something remotely productive).

But that's not what I'm going to do.  I'm going to get a load of laundry started, head to the store for some groceries, and then get down to work on my revisions.  I just have to push myself out of this chair and take the first step.

Well, wish me luck.