Pitch Practice: Character, Goal and Hook

Today I'm going to get a bit technical and talk about query pitches. This post is mainly targeting writers, but hopefully it'll offer a little insight into the process for others too.

So while I was in the hospital having a baby, I was featured on Amy Trueblood's Quite the Query. Head over there to see my pitch for The Never Silent, then hurry right back. I'll wait.

...

Back? Ok.

I'm really satisfied with this pitch. I signed with my agent, Marlene Stringer, for this book, so I absolutely consider it a success.

But what is it about this query that works?

I've been thinking about the answer to that question ever since a conversation I had with my critique partner about querying. The thing is, I'm one of those horrible people who actually enjoys writing a query pitch. I know, you hate me for that. But I think it's a fun exercise.

So I've spent some time analyzing my pitch-crafting method, and I've come up with something of a formula* that I frequently use. It has three parts: Character, Goal and Hook

Today I'm going to go through those three parts with a pitch for a story I'm making up out of the blue.**

Character:

Let's start with a girl. A teen, since I write YA. Let's call her Ellie. Right now we don't know anything about her, and we need to if we're going to get anyone interested in her. We need a reason for Ellie to be the main character, a reason why she is the only person who makes sense as the main character of our story. We don't just want a placeholder that any teen girl could stand in. So let's show how Ellie distinguishes herself from other girls.

Ellie sees memories when she walks into an empty room. They are silent, like 3D soap operas on mute. The more dramatic memories are brighter, the rest dim or faded to nothing.

Okay. That's a start. Ellie has a unique and interesting trait. I would want to know more about her. Now let's give Ellie a goal.

Goal:

Every character needs a goal. (Even secondary characters in your story should want something.) In fact, your main character should have a goal in every scene. As the ineffable Rosemary Clement-Moore once told my group at a writing workshop, even a simple goal like wanting to fetch a drink of water can add to a scene. Having a goal means that there are stakes. The future becomes uncertain. Will the character be thwarted, or will they succeed? What challenges will there be along the way? So let's find out Ellie's goal.

When Jen, the Queen Bee of Ellie's school, goes missing, Ellie is the only one who knows where to start looking. There's a new memory of Jen in the girls' locker room, and it's the brightest one Ellie has ever seen. Finding Jen becomes an obsession.

Alright, great! We have a goal. It pairs well with the character, and everyone loves a good mystery. Now for the Hook.

Hook:

So how is the hook different from the goal? Isn't the search for Jen enough of a hook? Why do we need more?

Well, yes, the goal should be enticing, but it's not necessarily a hook on its own. A good hook will add a new layer to the pitch that takes us from ho-hum plot summary to burning need to know what happens. It should work within the context of the Character and Goal but add a new dimension.

In my pitch for The Never Silent, the hook isn't that Henry is looking for a killer. Looking for the killer is his goal. The hook is that Henry, a con artist, now has to embark on the greatest con of his life in order to accomplish his goal. See how the hook plays in with both the Character and Goal there?

The hook should interact with the other elements. It's a twist on what we've already established. So let's add a twist to Ellie's pitch.

The more secrets Ellie uncovers about Jen, the more important the locker room memory becomes. But this memory is different from all the others.

This memory keeps changing.

And there we have it! A compelling twist that brings up a lot of good questions.

Now maybe there's more to add to the pitch. Perhaps there's somebody in the memory with Jen. Maybe it's somebody Ellie doesn't recognize. Or maybe Ellie does. Maybe it's her best friend.

That would be an interesting twist. But as it is, we have a great start here with our Character, Goal and Hook.


Exercise to try at home: Make up a Character-Goal-Hook pitch for a story you've never written, and post your pitch in the comments!


*There are a lot of ways to write a pitch. I am NOT trying to sell this one as the only definitive method. If you have a pitch that works for you and for your story, go with it.

**At present I have no intention of writing this story, but I reserve the right to do so in the future. If I ever come up with a plot...

One Eventful Night

So I've been gone awhile, but in case you haven't heard, it was for a very good reason: my family has grown by one member! He was born almost a month ago, but it's taken me until now to write about it. Today is actually my first day home alone with the boys, and so far it's going very well, though it does help that the big boy is out playing for a few hours.

Here's some of the story of the baby's birth:

For one thing, he took a lot more time about it than his brother did. Number one was out within five hours. Number two took somewhere around sixteen. It was a tougher birth all around--it was slower, I was far more tired by the end, and I had a bit of back labor wearing me out. On the bright side, even though I was induced, I never had to be given Pitocin, which I had been hoping to avoid.

If I learned anything from the experience it was this: that birth can happen so differently from one baby to the next, and making judgments about a woman's choices during labor is really quite thick-headed. I admit I used to have a bit of pride about the fact that I got through my first delivery unmedicated. Now, after the second, I have a whole new appreciation for epidurals.

In the end it was a really good thing that I got one this time. Almost as soon as it kicked in, I started feeling like delivery was eminent. Unfortunately the doctor was not at the hospital at the time. Now normally it would have taken her between ten and twenty minutes to get to me, but it just so happened that my baby decided he wanted to come at precisely the same time that there was a major accident on the highway in the middle of the night. So instead of twenty minutes I kept hearing "It'll be about another ten minutes..." In the end I waited nearly an hour before the doctor arrived (and then only because of a police escort), and that entire time I was resisting what nature was telling me very strongly to do. If I hadn't been so sleep deprived, I might have said, "Forget it, I'm pushing." As it was, all I could think to do was follow directions. And let me tell you, if it weren't for the epidural I would not have made it through that experience.

That night was eventful for another reason too: there was a meteor shower happening right as my baby was born. A lot of people were outside looking up at the sky, but I like to pretend they were all awake to celebrate a new little boy coming into the world. Although, now that I think about it, maybe that accident on the highway was caused by someone looking up at the sky instead of paying attention to the road. Hm...

Well, regardless, it was quite the night. My little boy has so many things ahead of him to learn, but one thing is certain--he already knows how to make an entrance.

Books with Hooks: The "How Will It Happen?" Hook

What pulls you into a book and keeps you riveted?

That thing, whatever it is, is a hook. It grabs you in the gut and won't let you go until you've finished reading.

One of the most common hooks is the "What will happen?" hook. It's the hook that mystery novels most frequently rely on. The "Who done it?" In other cases it's the plot that completely blows your mind because you didn't see it coming or the premise that twists reality and takes you on a speculative journey. You're glued to the pages because you're desperate to find out where the story is going.

The "What will happen?" hook can be very effective, but books don't have to have a mystery in order to have a good hook. Sometimes the reader can know from the start where the story is going but still be completely drawn in by the process of the plot. In this case the hook isn't "What will happen?" but "How will it happen?"

A superhero's origin story follows this pattern. We know she'll eventually become the superhuman fighter who saves the day. We know who the arch-villain will be. But we want to see how it happens.

Romance is also very commonly a "How will it happen?" story. We know the two leads will get together in the end. The draw of the book is not to see whether it happens but how they get there.

It was a romance that got me thinking about this second kind of hook. My agency mate Caitlyn McFarland published her first book, Soul of Smoke, this past Monday. I spent Tuesday and Wednesday reading it. (If it weren't for a great deal of self control I'd have finished it very late Tuesday night.)

The story is about a college age girl who comes across an injured dragon in human form while hiking in the Rockies. She gets swept away into the dragon's world of war and politics and magic, and in the process one of the dragons becomes magically bound to her. In order to save the world, she must choose to become bound to him in return.

There really is no question whether the human and the dragon will get together in the end. The story is a romance, and that's how a romance works. Besides, the consequences if they fail to do so are too disastrous to contemplate.

So how did this book keep me so captivated if I already knew what the outcome would be? It's because Caitlyn McFarland does a really masterful job with the "How will it happen?" hook. She puts a lot of things in the way of these two characters: personal demons, insecurities, suspicions, etc. And then she makes them work through all these stumbling blocks in interesting, compelling ways.

This is how the "How will it happen?" hook should work. And for Soul of Smoke it does work very well. I'm still enjoying the memory of my journey through the book, and I'm looking forward to the sequels.

What are some of your favorite "How will it happen?" books?

Coming to the End

I used to tell myself that the last thing I wanted was to spend the final weeks of pregnancy in the middle of summer. I basically loathe summer to begin with, and carrying around a space heater at the same time isn't really my idea of comfort. So how did I do?

Well, I've got one kid with a July birthday, and number two is set to come sometime in the next few weeks.

In other words: fail.

Somehow I also picked one of the worst summers to be pregnant too. I'm about ready to pack up and move to Siberia at this point.

Which basically means that I'm eager to have this baby as soon as he can come out. Today would be great, in fact. I mean, for one thing, he'd share a birthday with Harry Potter. And for another, I'd get to add a second pretty red birthstone to my family ring, which looks a bit like a flower. A second bud would look lovely, though I suppose a third leaf will look good too.

But babies come in their own time. My older son had to be evicted just shy of 41 weeks. I could see the same thing happening again.

And in a way that would be good. I had a really quick labor and delivery last time. I'm kind of nervous about getting to the hospital on time if I go naturally.

But on the other hand, oh, the waiting!

They tell you to be ready at any time. It could happen any day now.

Only it probably won't actually happen today, so get on with your life.

But be prepared. Have your bag packed. Make sure you've made arrangements for your kid. Know all the numbers you'll need to call. Have instructions printed out for the grandparents. Have the clothes all washed and ready and the car seat installed.

But don't get too anxious. It'll happen when it happens. So go ahead and pull the kindle back out of your packed bag if you like. Just hope you remember to repack it.

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

Wait... Wait... Wait...

It's all driving me a bit mad. This is how it goes though. Just one of many things we put up with for love of our children.

Anyway, if I don't post again for a while it's either because I'm hurrying to finish up all my work before the little one comes (which is also why I haven't posted in weeks) or because he is finally here. If I do post again, send me sympathy because clearly I am still in pregnancy limbo.

Wish me luck!

Eh-email

Who remembers Homestar Runner? I'm probably dating myself and/or categorizing myself as a particular sort of geek with that reference. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, Homestar Runner was one of the few entertaining sites on the internet a decade ago. (Along with the singing horses. Were those ever good times.) The highlight of Homestar Runner was, of course, the email, and to this day I can't think of the word email without hearing Homestar say it. Go on. Click over to the site and hover over the email button.

Now you know what I'm hearing every time I see that word.

I have seven email addresses. Se. Ven. That's insane, right? What could possibly have possessed me to sign up for so many accounts? Well, let's see. There's...

1. The junk mail. My very first email account. My one and only hotmail. Ah, the days when hotmail was still hot. Now I use it to sign up for things that require an email address when really, they can have no good reason for emailing me ever. Also, for some incongruous reason, that's where I get the Tor.com newsletter. Which is about the only reason I ever check that account.

2. The NOT junk sign-up account. For those few retailers I actually want to hear from. And also the library.

3. The "friends and family" account. You know, from back before I realized that having a cutesy email address was unprofessional.

4. The more professional account. Ie, the one I actually use regularly.

5. The joint account. Which I share with my husband for when we both need access.

6. The "for some reason I'm going to sign up for all writing-related promotions and social media with a whole NEW account" account. Yeah, this is probably where I started going off the deep end.

And finally...

7. The account that came with my website. Which will one day be my "this is where my legions of adoring fans can reach me" account. One day... And also that's where I send out my newsletter.

So I may be crazy, but there it is.

The really crazy part though, is that I do not like email. (Unless you are my lovely agent, in which case I always love getting email from you.) So why do I burden myself with so much of it?

Well, the thing is, I didn't always feel that way. I remember the days when email was a new and wonderful thing, and it meant that instead of waiting two weeks for my letter to arrive at its destination, a response to be written, and said response to arrive back, I had to wait only as long as it took my long-distance friends to compose a new email. For a girl whose social life revolved around friendships made at summer camps, that was a big deal.

But then things changed. Email became a place of bills, of advertising, of bombardment by things that maybe only mattered a little. I know a LOT of people who only check their email once a week or so now, and I can't say I blame them. (Except really, who are you people? I always have to know when I get new email.) The very convenience of email is precisely what makes it such a nuisance, especially now that the personal side of communication has moved to texting and social media.

So how do we manage it? How do we make email more effective?

1. Stop sending so much of it! If there is *any* other way to communicate, use it.

2. If you're typing more than a paragraph, reconsider. I have a former team leader who will be absolutely shocked that I'm saying this seeing as I used to send him entire essays over email, complete with complex questions. (His replies were usually a one word "Yes" or "No," and I had to figure out which of the many questions he was answering.) Should I really have spent so much time on an email? No way! If you have that much to say, say it in person. Or, if you have to say it to a lot of different people, print it out and mail it. The process of having to do that will tell you one way or the other whether the information was actually important enough to disperse.

3. Clean up what you do send. I saw an article today about eliminating the word "just" from emails. It was a good reminder. Be clean and direct. Don't hedge. Get to the point. And make the header of the email relevant. I've even seen recommendations that one put ALL relevant information in the header line if possible.

4. Don't expect a reply. If you really need a reply, ask in person. If there's simply no other way to ask aside from email, then make sure the question is clear and up front and not nestled in a bunch of other text.

Maybe one day we will live in a world where email will not be such a nuisance. In the meantime, how do you use email?